What is going on?

 I have realized, over the past few days, that my thoughts have been plaguing me. I hadn't realized what I was really thinking until yesterday.

The thoughts all had to do with myself.

"What do I need to do to heal myself?"

"Why don't I know what to do?"

"What am I doing wrong?"

"Why is this happening?"

"Why do I feel insufficient?

"Why can't I figure this all out? What is going on?"

"I feel like a failure, I feel like I am naughty, but I do not know why."

"Why am I inadequate?"

Somehow, in my mind I was thinking, "I need to get my act together. I can't expect God to help me as long as I am so ... Defective and incapable of helping myself. What is wrong with me already? I have to prove that I am able to handle my life before I bring myself to God. I must first approve of my own success so I have something to bring to God for Him to be pleased with me about.

Ok, ok, ok....don't shake your head at me saying "no! No!! NO!!! so quickly!

I would like to say that I am a breed like no other. Some would say, "Yep, you sure are!". Unfortunately, I know I am not. I have heard "Christians" say similar things. Working our lives out according to our own smarts seems fine until our own smarts do not work so well and our lives are going to pot. Then we start wondering, "What is going in here?"

I was so confused and feeling like such a failure.

I went for a  walk with this scripture on my mind:

1 Corinthians 14:33
For God is not the author of confusion but of peace,

Confusion definition:

disturbance, upheaval, can not stand (remain steady); unsettled, unstable (in tumult); (figuratively) instability bringing on disorder (disturbance), ("commotion") generates confusion (things being "out of control"), i.e. when "up for grabs." This uncertainty and tumult inevitably generates more instability.

I have had all the internal disturbance I am willing to take.

I must have the peace of God.

Where does this confusion come from. Not from God, of that I am certain.

There are only two Kingdoms. The Kingdom of God (Heaven) where God reigns and the Kingdom of darkness or the kingdom of this world where satan rules.

So, the answer to where does confusion come from is, Satan, of course! He is so sly, making me think it is all my fault, that these are all my own thoughts. He was successfully getting me to live in a state of disruption, upheaval within my soul, and disturbances so strong it was keeping me awake all night in turmoil. You know that lack of sleep causes even more trouble!

He was successfully stealing, killing and destroying me. I was struggling to find peace! I must have the peace of God back!!!

Then, I evaluated my thoughts further. I began to think....

"Why should I strive in attempt to heal myself? My God is my Healer! He sent His Word and Healed me and delivered me from all my troubles.

Why do I have to struggle with the question "Why don't know what to do?" When my God says in

James 1:5
If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.

Why should I stew about "What am I doing wrong?" When I honestly have no idea what I am doing wrong. If I am messed up God will correct me and show me the way to go. Otherwise, this is simply condemnation from the enemy.

"Why is this happening?" That became obvious, at this point. This is an enemy attack constructed to draw me away from God, His Word and from trusting God. A satanic attempt to defeat me.

"What do I feel insufficient?" That is a lie! I am in Christ. He is in me. He makes me strong when I am weak. He makes me more than a conquerors. I am not alone. I am not without help. Therefore, I am not insufficient because my life is hidden with Him. He is my All-Sufficient One. I am not evaluating myself against myself. I reckon myself dead and alive to God. I will depend on His sufficiency in me and for me.

"Why can't I figure this all out? What is going on?". I actually do not need to know all the details. I lean not on my own understanding. I will trust in my God. He has a good plan for me that He, Himself, has prepared for me to walk in. He is working everything out for my good. He is not going to leave me without help!

"I feel like a failure, I feel like I am naughty, but I do not know why." I am not moved by what I feel. I am moved by every Word that proceeds from the mouth of God.

"Why am I inadequate?" I am not inadequate. In Him I live and move and have my being. He is more than enough. So, He makes me adequate by His power that works within me.

I realized that all of my negative "Me" thoughts were all designed to get me to be defeated, confused and prideful.

Proverbs 3:7
Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD, and turn away from evil.

Proverbs 16:18
Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.

For me to think I should be able to handle it all myself, heal myself, know how to proceed in my own smarts and be wise enough to figure everything out in my own strength and THEN present myself to God all in order is Prideful, arrogant, the works of the flesh and quite frankly Impossible!!!!

God wants to be my Shepherd. It is ok, even desirable, to be His sheep, hear His voice and follow Him. He will take me to those green pastures. He will cause me to lie down in peace. He wants me to call upon Him. He wants to show Himself mighty on my behalf. He wants to strengthen me with His mighty power. He wants to restore me to vigorous life and health. He want to fulfill all of His promises to me. He wants me to call upon Him. He wants me to cast all my cares upon Him. He wants to show me that He is Faithful.

The enemy is very skilled at trying to deceive us and derail us from God's purpose for our lives. He would not be so worried and work so hard to steal from us if we had nothing worthy of stealing. If we were no threat to him there would be no reason to try to kill or destroy us. He can see the headway we are making. He is fully aware of the fruit we are bearing. He knows we are a threat to his purposes. He knows God is who works in you to will and to act on behalf of His good purpose.

It is necessary to evaluate our situation. Are we confused? Then we know the devil is exercising his tactics on us. We must scope out our thoughts. Do they agree with God? If not, refuse those thoughts and purposely replace them with what God's Word says. Be on alert. Resist the enemy and he will flee. Do not be lifted up in pride thinking either "look what I have achieved" in good times or "look what I should be doing but am failing at" in hard times. Consider yourself dead to all that self effort and completely run to Jesus in humility, totally yielded and dependant on Him and walk in the peace that He provides for us.