How is it that these emotions can be stirred up so instantly in a negative way? I don't have an easy answer for that, but I know it happens to me. I know I have done it to others. By watching and listening to others, I know I am not the only one that has had this issue.
It is one thing that the instant negative emotional reactions occur when hurtful words are spoken or negative things are done to us. It is another thing entirely how I will respond to those feelings of anger and hurt. What should I do or say in response to the other person? Should I respond according to my emotions? If I respond in that way, I am "Reacting" in response to my flesh....it shows I am yet carnal and the likelihood is that I am making the matter worse, making the devil smile and NOT walking in love and ultimately damaging my relationship with the other person even further.
So, what do I do???? The answer is always found by first asking this question: What does the Bible say?" Pray. Ask God to direct me to His counsel in what to do. His wisdom is the right way to handle every problem. So, let's take a look at what God has to say about how to handle those words and deeds that hurt, anger and offend us now.
#1 Repent when I have done wrong
If I have been on the giving end and have hurt another by my words or actions. I must repent. Go to that person and apologize and make amends for the wrong I have done and the hurt I have caused.
Matthew 5:23-24
“So if you are presenting a sacrificeh at the altar in the Temple and you suddenly remember that someone has something against you, leave your sacrifice there at the altar. Go and be reconciled to that person. Then come and offer your sacrifice to God.
Roman's 12:18
If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.
If you are the one to whom the hurtful words or deeds have been done then here are several instructions from God's Word....
#1 Overlook the wrong done
Proverbs 19:11
Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense.
Proverbs 12:16
A fool is quick-tempered, but a wise person stays calm when insulted.
Sometimes we tend to make a mountain out of a molehill. Stay cool and don't lash out in return. Perhaps the words/deeds were incorrectly spoken or handled with no ill intent meant. Perhaps you were tired and maybe oversensitive, and you misunderstood. Believe the best and overlook the issue, if possible.
#2 Forgive one another.
Colossians 3:13
Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.
Forgive/forgave definition:
HELPS Word-studies
Cognate: 5483 xarízomai (from 5485 /xáris, "grace, extending favor") – properly, to extend favor ("grace"), freely give favor to grant forgiveness (pardon).
5483 /xarízomai ("favor that cancels") is used of God giving His grace to pardon. This is freely done and therefore not based on any merit of the one receiving forgiveness.
"Favor, forgiveness. that cancels" explains it all to me.
Matthew 18:21-22
Then Peter came to him and asked, “Lord, how often should I forgive someonei who sins against me? Seven times?”
“No, not seven times,” Jesus replied, “but seventy times seven!
Ephesians 4:32
Be kind and tender-hearted to one another, forgiving each other just as in Christ God forgave you.
Forgive! That is pretty clear! Notice that there are no exceptions for "I don't feel like it."
#3 Bless them
1 Peter 3:9
Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.
1 Corinthians 4:12
We wear ourselves out from working with our own hands. When insulted, we bless. When persecuted, we endure.
Luke 6:28
Bless those who curse you. Pray for those who hurt you.
That verse just added another thing...
Matthew 5:44
But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you
2 Thessalonians 1:11
So we keep on praying for you, asking our God to enable you to live a life worthy of his call. May he give you the power to accomplish all the good things your faith prompts you to do.
1 Timothy 2:8
In every place of worship, I want men to pray with holy hands lifted up to God, free from anger and controversy.
Ah Ha! That verse brings us to the next topic...
#5 Get rid of anger
Colossians 3:7-10
You used to do these things when your life was still part of this world. But now is the time to get rid of anger, rage, malicious behavior, slander, and dirty language. Don’t lie to each other, for you have stripped off your old sinful nature and all its wicked deeds. Put on your new nature, and be renewed as you learn to know your Creator and become like him.
Ephesians 4:31-32
Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.
James 1:20
Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires.
James 1:19
Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.
Ok, that verse leads us to the next point.
#6 Be quick to listen, slow to speak.
The following is my opinion .... Sometimes, even dare I say "usually", the hurtful, insensitive words/behaviors that one says or does, actually reveal a deeper issue not obvious to one who instantly takes what was said or done as a personal attack or offense. By being quick to listen and slow to speak, you may have opportunity to identify, perhaps even help the other person identify what is really going on. However, if by our emotional reaction, we get stuck on the "Me" factor of the occurrence, we likely will miss the real issue that screams for help.
Proverbs 21:23
Watch your tongue and keep your mouth shut, and you will stay out of trouble.
Proverbs 13:3
Those who control their tongue will have a long life; opening your mouth can ruin everything.
Proverbs 17:27-28
A man of knowledge restrains his words, and a man of understanding keeps a cool head.
After all, even fools may be thought wise and intelligent if they stay quiet and keep their mouths shut.
So we keep on praying for you, asking our God to enable you to live a life worthy of his call. May he give you the power to accomplish all the good things your faith prompts you to do.
1 Timothy 2:8
In every place of worship, I want men to pray with holy hands lifted up to God, free from anger and controversy.
Ah Ha! That verse brings us to the next topic...
#5 Get rid of anger
Colossians 3:7-10
You used to do these things when your life was still part of this world. But now is the time to get rid of anger, rage, malicious behavior, slander, and dirty language. Don’t lie to each other, for you have stripped off your old sinful nature and all its wicked deeds. Put on your new nature, and be renewed as you learn to know your Creator and become like him.
Ephesians 4:31-32
Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.
James 1:20
Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires.
James 1:19
Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.
Ok, that verse leads us to the next point.
#6 Be quick to listen, slow to speak.
The following is my opinion .... Sometimes, even dare I say "usually", the hurtful, insensitive words/behaviors that one says or does, actually reveal a deeper issue not obvious to one who instantly takes what was said or done as a personal attack or offense. By being quick to listen and slow to speak, you may have opportunity to identify, perhaps even help the other person identify what is really going on. However, if by our emotional reaction, we get stuck on the "Me" factor of the occurrence, we likely will miss the real issue that screams for help.
Proverbs 21:23
Watch your tongue and keep your mouth shut, and you will stay out of trouble.
Proverbs 13:3
Those who control their tongue will have a long life; opening your mouth can ruin everything.
Proverbs 17:27-28
A man of knowledge restrains his words, and a man of understanding keeps a cool head.
After all, even fools may be thought wise and intelligent if they stay quiet and keep their mouths shut.
#7 Love, Love, Love
I Corinthians 13:1-8
If I speak in the languages of humans and angels but have no love, I have become a reverberating gong or a clashing cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can understand all secrets and every form of knowledge, and if I have absolute faith so as to move mountains but have no love, I am nothing. Even if I give away everything that I have and sacrifice myself, but have no love, I gain nothing.
Love is always patient;
love is always kind;
love is never envious
or arrogant with pride.
Nor is she conceited, and she is never rude;
she never thinks just of herself
or ever gets annoyed.
She never is resentful; is never glad with sin;
she’s always glad to side with truth,
and pleased that truth will win.
She bears up under everything;
believes the best in all;
there is no limit to her hope,
and never will she fall.
Love never fails...
So, if my response does not follow suit with the qualifications of that explanation of Love, then it is the wrong response!!!
Last night a Tina Turner song came to my mind, "What's Love got to do with it... ?" My answer... Everything!!!!
John 4:12
No one has ever seen God. But if we love each other, God lives in us, and his love is brought to full expression in us.
Colossians 3:12-14
Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.
John 13:34
A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another.
Love is a commandment from God, not an option for when I "feel" like it.
John 13:35
Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples.”
1 Peter 1:22
You were cleansed from your sins when you obeyed the truth, so now you must show sincere love to each other as brothers and sisters. Love each other deeply with all your heart.
1 Peter 3:8-12
Finally, all of you should be of one mind. Sympathize with each other. Love each other as brothers and sisters. Be tenderhearted, and keep a humble attitude. Don’t repay evil for evil. Don’t retaliate with insults when people insult you. Instead, pay them back with a blessing. That is what God has called you to do, and he will grant you his blessing. For the Scriptures say,
“If you want to enjoy life
and see many happy days,
keep your tongue from speaking evil
and your lips from telling lies.
Turn away from evil and do good.
Search for peace, and work to maintain it.
The eyes of the LORD watch over those who do right, and his ears are open to their. prayers.
But the LORD turns his face
against those who do evil.”
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